So I know I have anxiety. I take all the right benzodiazopines and I'm trying (ok, going to try) to find a new CCCG-er to westside talk it out. It's not crippling anymore and it's basically really ok. Except when there are super stressful situations and then I usually climb in bed and hold on to some pillows. Until recently, though, I'd just lumped everything under the general anxiety category but I'm beginning to think there are multiple parts. Like separation anxiety. As an adult. Not a two year old. So weird.
It was just recently that I realized this when two things happened that made me stop and think: one, I was leaving Seattle and my mom texted to say she and Pops were going to bed and to text them in the morning when I got home. I texted back, but was immediately overcome with the feeling that if I didn't call her and tell her I loved her, something bad was going to happen and I would never get the chance to ever talk to her again. And then, when my bffs dropped me off at the airport, I had a panic moment and almost called them to come back because I was sure that if I didn't hug them one more time, something terrible would happen and I would never see them again. Sensing a theme? Me too. That lead to a time of reflection and introspection and the next obvious move:
I googled it at the airport.
From my obviously professional clinical diagnosis after reading the online version of the DSM-IV, I don't have Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder - that sounds really scary. But I realized that I do have some of the symptoms. Por ejemplo, I get really anxious when I leave certain people (attachment figure is the technical term) and I have frequent dreams of separation (where I can't be with or get to a particular person) especially after leaving said certain people. It's this terrible panic that I won't see them again - that something bad will happen - especially if I don't hug them long enough or tell them I love them right before we get off the phone or if I don't see them one last time before I leave. In undergrad I had real issues if I didn't end a conversation with my parents with an "I love you" and they said it back. I still feel that way sometimes - and about a handful more people - but I try to remember to be rational. No one has died because someone didn't hug them. They may have died and someone didn't hug them, but it wasn't a causal relationship.
The mind is a funny, funny thing...I just love when blogs get all personal, don't you?
From my obviously professional clinical diagnosis after reading the online version of the DSM-IV, I don't have Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder - that sounds really scary. But I realized that I do have some of the symptoms. Por ejemplo, I get really anxious when I leave certain people (attachment figure is the technical term) and I have frequent dreams of separation (where I can't be with or get to a particular person) especially after leaving said certain people. It's this terrible panic that I won't see them again - that something bad will happen - especially if I don't hug them long enough or tell them I love them right before we get off the phone or if I don't see them one last time before I leave. In undergrad I had real issues if I didn't end a conversation with my parents with an "I love you" and they said it back. I still feel that way sometimes - and about a handful more people - but I try to remember to be rational. No one has died because someone didn't hug them. They may have died and someone didn't hug them, but it wasn't a causal relationship.
The mind is a funny, funny thing...I just love when blogs get all personal, don't you?
