As I've done as much dating in these last few months as I've done in my lifetime prior to online dating, I needed to get a few things (and people) straight in my head. For posterity and because I'm forgetting people and the events they are connected to, here's the list:
1. Lawyer Red - early frontrunner but no date
2. Indiana Tim - my 1st first date, great voice, boring, did not look like his pictures
3. Big Country - three dates, Ayn Rand Libertarian, did-I-mention-I'm-intelligent. I learned that I do not like Ayn Rand Libertarians.
4. Stage Five Clinger - one date. that's about it. I learned what it's like to be on the other side of clingy.
5. Brad - three dates, weird ending, first date kisser, Jewish. I learned a few things - some can't be listed here - but basically just a good opportunity to practice assertiveness.
6. Kolin-with-a-K - one date, smart and funny, no chemistry, Greek. I learned that humor + intelligence is a big thing for me.
7. Marc - French. Fun. Cute. I learned that I like bordeaux wine, The Goat Farm, remembered I like interpretive dance, and was inspired to do more cultural things in Atlanta and spend more time in Piedmont Park and Midtown. That one hurt a little. But he is forgot and things are as they were.
8. Andrew - new kid on the block (not that he's in a boy band, he's just the current person with whom I am communicating)
Eight men in 4 months. Sounds like a Sex and the City episode. It's actually been way less glamorous, but I guess I've gotten my money out of this adventure. And I have totally gotten over first dates. They used to be intimidating; now they're just a necessary evil. I used to think, I really need to impress and be awesome!!!!!!!!! Now I think: I look cute - impress me. Just kidding (kind of). Now I really just go in thinking, I'm going to be myself and you can take it or leave it. It's actually probably a combo of those 4 elements (plus other schtuff): I look cute, I'm being myself, impress me, take it or leave it.
And I've learned a lot about myself and about life. I've experienced new things, tried new restaurants, realized that humor and intellect are incredibly attractive to me, and eaten at Verde for 3 first dates (seriously). And I've learned resilience - or maybe that I have resilience somewhere in there. It is such a weird feeling to date so much, to go on dates with more than one person, to be going into date #3 with someone and go on first dates with someones else - knowing that whether they like you or not, they're doing the same thing. And then to like someone, knowing they're dating other people. To like, to not like, and to have to heal and move on more quickly than you would in any other situation. It's like the hokey pokey, but with your heart being put in and out. Or deciding if you want to play the hokey pokey and even get your heart involved.
I also think this process has internalized the knowledge that - no matter what, regardless of where I am in this dating process - I still have all of the wonderful and not-so-wonderful parts of life. I still have my loverly friends, my weirdly functional family, my perfect Lilian, my job, my running, my apartment, myself...essentially, my life.
