Monday, November 19, 2012

Adventures #7: oh lawd if one more person...

This is a very serious post. Very serious. I don't think I can iterate enough how serious this post is.

If one more guy writes that he is passionate about...

a. sports (really? are you?)
b. the outdoors (would you seriously say you hated them?)
c. trying new things (oooo. good for you)
d. working out (just post a pic of your biceps. that's what you want to do anyways)
e. travel (is this so we know you're not boring?)

...then I'm going to set myself on fire. Most likely figuratively, but there is a slight chance it will be a literal blaze.

I know women's profiles are probably equally as banal, but please. Please. Please. Jesus, please. (Seriously. Jesus needs to step in). Why would I want to get to know you if you're the same as the next guy and the next and the next and the next and the next? Why would you want to get to know me??

Realizing that coming up with a passion - and naming it - is easier said than done, I implore the dear people of online dating to TRY and come up with something more meaningful than the aforementioned items. Be silly! Be serious! Be ridiculous! Be sentimental! Just don't be like everyone else. I'm seriously considering sending all of them a form letter than says, essentially, no one is going to like you if you can't come up with something besides UGA football to be passionate about. Or simply: you are dumb.

To get you started, here is a sample of some of the funnier (read: more interesting) things I've read:

a. oxford commas (who doesn't love an oxford comma?!)
b. rebuilding classic cars (can't make that shit up)
c. "extremely expensive craft beer" (while probably a backhanded way to indicate your wealth, I appreciate the alliteration)

Yes, there are far fewer interesting things than dumb shit, but that is pretty much how I feel about this online dating thing at this point. Lots of dumb shits, far fewer interesting things.

No comments:

Post a Comment