So I had things narrowed down to three guys: Lawyer Red, a new lawyer with his own firm; Big Country, an Alabamian software engineer; and Indiana Tim...I don't really remember what he did. Lawyer Red was a strong front runner - great smile online, seemed like a nice guy - and then the conversations dwindled and stopped altogether. No worries. Indiana Tim seemed like a nice guy; he certainly had a really nice voice. But one date confirmed that those were his only redeeming qualities (seriously, when I mention the three things you aren't supposed to talk about on a first date - religion, politics, your exes - don't launch into a conversation about religion and the other dates you've been on).
Which leaves us Big Country. Seeming like ever the Southern gentleman, Big Country had a strong (like, really strong) southern accent. Our first date was dinner. Our second date was dinner and mini golf. And our third - and final - date was dinner (but at a really nice place that I always want to go to but it's a little expensive. Thanks, Big Country. The mac-n-cheese was great). After date #1 I thought, he's kinda cute. A little self-absorbed, his accent a lot too much, but kinda cute. After date #2 I thought, well he's not perfect but no one is, and holy cow I forgot how much I love putt putt. Somewhere between dates #2 and #3, though, it became time to really figure this out. How much time do you put into someone you aren't sure about? The answer seemed to be a third date. It was on this date that I decided - because of some of his own comments - to tell him that I was new to this online dating thing, I typically was friends with someone first, friendship in a romantic relationship is really important to me, etc etc etc. and see if there was the possibility of at least a friendship. After an hour and a half the answer was no, and I left feeling sad and offended. Not sad because it wasn't going to work out, but sad because most of who he is (or who he presents himself to be) is exactly the kind of person I think makes this world a really sad place to live in. And offended because his statements about life and humanity were more Ayn Rand than Gandhi and he essentially called my beliefs invalid. Don't get me wrong - I think a strong logical, rational case can be made for libertarianism. But the same case can be made for socialism and while both sound fine in theory, in practice they turn to shit.
But back to Big Country, because he really did say some things that made my inner mountain lion pounce across the table. I've comprised a list of things to never, ever, ever say unless you are intending to turn someone off and/or start a riot:
1. I'm really intelligent/really educated.
2. I don't live paycheck to paycheck/I have a lot of disposable income so I can do whatever I want.
3. So like, obviously, I am the most important person to me, and then it would be my wife/kids, and then after that like, my family. I don't think people are "called" or whatever to go overseas and neglect their families.
4. Yeah, I'm pretty selfish.
5. My passions in life are Alabama football and movies. (no, that's really all he could come up with)
6. I don't need to go to church because I, like, know all the dogma and religion and there's nothing new for me to learn.
7. Did I mention that I'm really intelligent/really educated?
8. Perhaps I should tell you that my family is also all very educated and are doing very well for themselves. And so am I.
9. I've been called judgmental...but I have good qualities, too.
10. Libertarianism is best because, like, if you wanted to help people you could open a store and help people and people like me who don't want to (my paraphrase) don't have to.
11. I don't know what it is, but all of my prayers get answered!
12. Poor people in this country are so much better off than in other countries. Here they have nice cars, HD televisions, running water...
13. I don't think I've mentioned that I'm really intelligent/really educated in a while. I just want to be clear than I am.
14. I'm very efficient at my job. My job isn't my passion but I have a lot of disposable income. I get in late and leave early if I can. "I hope you're not a workaholic because that's one of my pet peeves" (oh yes, that's a direct quote).
15. I didn't watch the movie Iron Lady because Meryl Streep is so left wing and Margaret Thatcher was conservative.
Seriously. We had that conversation. Or, should I say, he had that conversation and I ate my salad and his mac-n-cheese and drank about 4 glasses of Diet Coke. I told the waitress it (the DC) was the best part of my day, and I wasn't lying.
He claimed intelligence but confused it for opinion. He glorified selfishness as a positive character trait (typical for an Ayn Rand libertarian) and saw no need to help his neighbor because someone like me could set up a shop and do it. If you want to save the environment and the spotted owl, buy some land and go for it, but I'm going to dump my toxic waste all over my land because I can. He misunderstood and oversimplified poverty. He interrupted me several times to prove his "intelligence" over mine (but let's be honest, my IQ is higher). At several points I wanted to ask what happened in his past to make him so insecure, but I'm not in charge of his internal growth and development and part of me thinks he just really is that shallow.
Also, I totally peeked, and he's a terrible tipper.
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