JT, Pink, Karma, Rebounds, and Wall Anchors

What goes around comes back around (I thought I told ya, hey) - Justin Timberlake

My parents (Popsicle, specifically) won tickets to the Daytona 500. I'm not a race fan so I wasn't upset when they didn't invite me, but I was so so so so very happy for them because they deserve something like this. He got them through some Coke giveaway, and the whole package is like a 4 night hotel, trackside blah blah blah, glitter and champagne, and a new puppy. J/k on the puppy. They already have 2 very energetic beagles. But they won the tickets and the whole shebang and I just can't help thinking about karma - what goes around comes back around, as the JT himself puts it so handsomely. They are immensely generous and good people. They give and give and give - and not just to me, but to anyone who needs to be given. So they should get something from Life that just says, good job, yo, here are 4 tickets to something you enjoy (even if it is one of the weirdest things you humans have come up with. A left turn for 4 hours? Yeah, I'm gonna go watch some downhill skiing in Western Europe). 

Where there is desire there is gonna be a flame. Where there is a flame someone's bound to get burned. But just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die, you gotta get up and try try try - Pink

I'm not a huge Pink fan. I think her stuff is great for the biceps track in Body Pump, but aside from that...not so much. This song, though, has been stuck in my head for days and I'm applying its principle to dating. Rebound dating is a really bad idea and I'm going to try to not do it again. Eeek. The last line - you get burned, it hurts, you're not going to die - is perhaps what I should have listened to. Just taken the burn. Perhaps rebounding is part of the trying again, though. Not a particularly fun part, if that's the case, if the rebound actually likes you. Eeek. I'm not set up to hurt people's feelings...Anyhow, that last line sounds a lot like my mom. I think she's right a lot more of the time than I want to admit, even when I disagree that everything is going to be all right in the end. No one knows how the end will be and people die all the time with unmet goals and unfulfilled hopes and dreams. But about the past, perhaps, Momsie is correct. We've all been burned and we've all survived, if no more than in pieces and shreds for a while. And the hope part of life - that optimistic flame inside of us that keeps the edge off despair most days - tells us to just get up and try, try, try. 

Finally, I would like to point out what an awesome house project person I am. I successfully hung multiple things today (a mirror, a towel rack) on the first try and lined most every drawer in the apartment with fancy schmancy shelf liner. I'd like to thank Tom Knippel for making sure I knew a wall anchor from a table saw.

Fifty Shades of Holy Shit

I read Fifty Shades of Grey.

I had completely decided not to. I don't care about graphically romantic novels (I think they're kind of dumb) and I heard the writing was bad, but then two girls at work read them and were all like, it's so good, I couldn't put it down, it's not just about kinky sex, blah blah. So I decided to read the first book solely because I wanted an easy read (pun not intended). I wanted to just fly through a book and it not be about something sad and serious like caste systems or hate crimes.

I read the wrong book.

It admittedly was a fast read. I read all 521 pages in about 6 hours and actually read all the words (not my typical heavy skim when I just want to know how something ends). And the writing wasn't too terrible; I found the overly-adjectived sections boring and I had to make myself read them, and the author's desire to paint a stark picture of Christian Grey was tedious. Even Anastasia Steele's character was uninspiring. A completely inexperienced college grad with unruly hair who thinks she's nothing to look at but is actually beautiful? Is this ABC Family/Hallmark/Lifetime? But besides that, the plot pace was good and the depth of the characters unfolded convincingly.

It also had a lot of kinky sex. I had to look up a lot of the BDSM terms (though I was proud of myself for at least knowing what that acronym stands for) and found myself in a world of "what the hell??!" Yeah. It's not embarrassing or weird to read or talk about, and I feel no judgment about people who are into it, but I had no idea the depth of it (and I'm sure I still have no clue, really). People's sexual fetishes sure are unique.

I realized I read the wrong book, though, because it is profoundly sad and serious. I was suprised at that. In my BDSM research, it is as much about trust as it is about control. I can understand that. But when you look at that through the lens of an abused child/wounded adult, it becomes so much deeper. With all I'd heard about the book and about the elusive Mr. Grey, I was expecting to hate him as a controlling asshole. And yea, he is kind of that. But when you read the parts about his past and his inner struggles, his BDSM lifestyle makes a whole lot of sense. And makes me really sad. Not because that's what he likes, but because it seems to have developed and been fed from a place of pain and suffering and no matter how evolved and mature he is, that is still part of his controlling, calculating life. He likes the kink, but it's also an effort to regain control over his life when he had none and ensure he won't be hurt again. And that's a very real human response.

I'm not sure if I can handle the other two books if this deep shit doesn't clear up; then again, I want to know that both Grey and Ana make it through - healthier and still together. I should stick to books like Goodnight, Construction Site and Giraffes Can Dance. You know, children's books that rhyme.

Adventures #10: The End...ish

Before I begin reflecting, I would like to issue the follow passive-aggressive statement, made possibly only by the relative annonymity of the world wide web:

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your carefully worded, professionally sterile, and emotionally cold response to my honest and heartfelt inquiry. Had you been rejecting me for a job interview, your statement would have been above reproach; however, given the actual situation, your response left much to be desired, including an actual answer to my honest and heartfelt inquiry. Your lack of warmth, painful to read and to bear, is felt most when considering the kindness of which I know you to be capable.

Furthermore, you employed the incorrect relative pronoun in your last paragraph. You were correct in your facts - I do have amazing friends who have and will continue to provide comfort and support; however as they are people and not objects, they should be "amazing friends who will provide support," not friends that provide support. If you need further grammatical clarity, please click here. Also, I find your excessive use of commas to be offensive.

Regards, etc.

Passive-aggressive is not good for relationships, but it sure does feel good to get it out online. So. Moving on. Literally. Because after three days of constant uncontrollable crying and dull ache I decided that I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be sad. I want to move on, for him to be forgot and all to be as it was. I feel a certain amount of blah about dating. It's tiring and so.all.the.same. At least at first until you actually get to know a person, which starts around date #3. But I do want to get back on the horse, back in the game, back to business...all those metaphors. Which is why I already went on a date.


Look how happy I am
back on my horse. I'm laughing
and have a trendy straw hat.

I don't know if it was a good move or not - it certainly was sudden - but it seemed a good idea at the time. Textbook rebound, perhaps. And it was a textbook first date (being the professional first-dater that I am, I speak with authority). He was funny, asked questions and acted interested in the answers, tried to impress me with a few things he knew, followed up with an "I had a great time today" text. Check, check, check. Furthermore, after spending an hour discussing it at CCCG, I have more perspective on the whole situation and different ideas of what "moving on" can look like. Which includes taking a few weeks off this dating roundabout when my membership runs out tomorrow before getting back in the saddle. And which definitely includes me starting to run again (January bleak weather + bad news sadness = one 30 minute walk in 6 days).

Here's another thing I've learned experientially - and through Sex and the City (there was a marathon this past weekend on E!): everyone is weird, including me. Everyone has their quirks and their strange collections and habits and you just accept that when you have two individual people with individual weirdnesses trying to spend time together. There are many people with whom I could be compatible; at some point it becomes less about "you suck at this" and "you're wrong" and more about compatibility and fit and what weirdness you can handle. Except for Big Country. He really just sucked.

I also learned that Carrie Bradshaw agrees about the 3rd date thing, which I think is a sign that I'm probably on the right track with my other dating suppositions, too. Or that I have great hair, great outfits, great shoes, and a rent-controlled apartment. Anyhow, Carrie and the girls had a great conversation about people being like taxis - people are running around everywhere emotionally unavailable for whatever reason. When they're emotionally ready for a relationship, their light goes on and the first person to snag the taxi gets it. It's more a matter of timing and whether both your taxi lights are on and you happen to notice each other. And I think at some point you just say, I'm committing to this person. The End. It's not as romantic as Cinderella maybe, but I think it's actually more true. And besides, C-ella was weird, too.
 

Titanium

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

Fire away, fire away

Ricochet, you take your aim

Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

Cut me down

But it's you who'll have further to fall

Ghost town, haunted love

Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones

I'm talking loud not saying much

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

Fire away, fire away

Ricochet, you take your aim

Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

I am titanium

I am titanium

Stone-hard, machine gun

Fired at the ones who run

Stone-hard as bulletproof glass

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

I am titanium