Fifty Shades of Holy Shit

I read Fifty Shades of Grey.

I had completely decided not to. I don't care about graphically romantic novels (I think they're kind of dumb) and I heard the writing was bad, but then two girls at work read them and were all like, it's so good, I couldn't put it down, it's not just about kinky sex, blah blah. So I decided to read the first book solely because I wanted an easy read (pun not intended). I wanted to just fly through a book and it not be about something sad and serious like caste systems or hate crimes.

I read the wrong book.

It admittedly was a fast read. I read all 521 pages in about 6 hours and actually read all the words (not my typical heavy skim when I just want to know how something ends). And the writing wasn't too terrible; I found the overly-adjectived sections boring and I had to make myself read them, and the author's desire to paint a stark picture of Christian Grey was tedious. Even Anastasia Steele's character was uninspiring. A completely inexperienced college grad with unruly hair who thinks she's nothing to look at but is actually beautiful? Is this ABC Family/Hallmark/Lifetime? But besides that, the plot pace was good and the depth of the characters unfolded convincingly.

It also had a lot of kinky sex. I had to look up a lot of the BDSM terms (though I was proud of myself for at least knowing what that acronym stands for) and found myself in a world of "what the hell??!" Yeah. It's not embarrassing or weird to read or talk about, and I feel no judgment about people who are into it, but I had no idea the depth of it (and I'm sure I still have no clue, really). People's sexual fetishes sure are unique.

I realized I read the wrong book, though, because it is profoundly sad and serious. I was suprised at that. In my BDSM research, it is as much about trust as it is about control. I can understand that. But when you look at that through the lens of an abused child/wounded adult, it becomes so much deeper. With all I'd heard about the book and about the elusive Mr. Grey, I was expecting to hate him as a controlling asshole. And yea, he is kind of that. But when you read the parts about his past and his inner struggles, his BDSM lifestyle makes a whole lot of sense. And makes me really sad. Not because that's what he likes, but because it seems to have developed and been fed from a place of pain and suffering and no matter how evolved and mature he is, that is still part of his controlling, calculating life. He likes the kink, but it's also an effort to regain control over his life when he had none and ensure he won't be hurt again. And that's a very real human response.

I'm not sure if I can handle the other two books if this deep shit doesn't clear up; then again, I want to know that both Grey and Ana make it through - healthier and still together. I should stick to books like Goodnight, Construction Site and Giraffes Can Dance. You know, children's books that rhyme.