Christmas Time is Here. And Gone.

Except still kind of here because I'm in Hawaii with my sister and niece - the most amazing person on the planet right now (understanding of course that there are three new babies in my life right now and that they, too, are most amazing. Liam, Emmy, and Evan - you rock).

Anyhow, Christmas was sweet this year. Lila is so freaking awesome it is almost impossible to breathe around her. She loves circles - drawing them, singing "circle circle" to her own made up tune, pointing out circles... She also asks "was dat?!" about everything and won't stop until she gets the answer she's looking for. She says "ah no!" and "owwww!" and "sowwy" (sorry), although only one of those is used correctly. She'll throw an "ow" or a "sowwy" out if we're buckling her in her carseat, putting on her shoes, walking on the sidewalk. You know, just whenever. She also says "car!" and "Abby!!!!!!!!!!!!" and knows exactly what she's taking about. She loves her Abby doll that she got for Christmas. I will never be able to forget that "rhyming words is what i like to do...rhyming words is so much fun." Ask me; I'll sing it for you.

She says "pweas" and "mulk" (please and milk), noooooodle, and twooo (for any number). She likes to enunciate her vowels. My mom is "Momsie" and my dad is "Potsie" (Lila's pronunciation of Popsie). Mama and Daddeeeeee and Nnenna (that's me). Twee (tree). She knows what all the animals say, plus what a pirate says ("arrrrr!"). Watuh (water). Taking you by the hand (or hair, as she did tonight during bath time) to what she wants if you aren't smart enough to figure it out the first time. "Hi!!" when she sees your first thing, "byeee!" when you leave, and "yay!" after any and every song we sing.

Lila loves art. She got an easel for Christmas and draws with the chalk and with the wipe-off-able crayons. She also has these cool bath crayons that she draws all over the tub/shower with. Freakin' Picasso. And she also loves Abby Cadabby from Sesame Street. And remote control cars. She LOVES to play outside (which I happily indulge). She has a weird fascination with socks.

So that's been my Christmas. That, plus Hawaii sun and warmth (though I have worn a sweatshirt and wished I'd had jeans. It gets chilly at night!). And my folks, who left the other day. Lila loves my dad and asks about three times a day, where da Potsie? Holy crapbagofbeans, it is the most precious and heartbreaking thing. Where da Potsie? Where da Potsie?

Oh yeah, and about 20 minutes after I put her to bed last night, I heard a funny noise upstairs and went to check it out. Lila had gotten out of her bed, went into her parents' room, gotten my sister's Nook, gotten back in her bed, and was playing a game. "Hi!" she said. Ridiculous.

"Rudolph" Addresses Women's Rights, Inclusion/Exclusion, and Torture

My favorite Christmas movie is the old school clay-mation Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer movie. Rudolph, Clarice, Hermey, Yukon Cornelius, and The Abominable Snowman (aka, the Bumble). The Island of Misfit Toys. Charlie in the Box. I love this movie. As a child, it was just a wonderful story with a scary Bumble and a happy ending. As an adult, I'm quite glad my child self missed out on the negative storyline. Here's a basic outline:

1. Issues of inclusion/exclusion
a. Rudolph's red nose excludes him from the reindeer games and the adult male leader clearly makes this known by telling the other reindeer kids that Rudolph can't play. The young bucks and does are separated - which, in adolescence, might be an idea for other societies to emulate - but still.
b. "No child wants a Charlie in the Box" so there's the Island of Misfit Toys which can only be found by traveling through a thick fog, effectively separating it from view of the rest of Christmastown. Let's just segregate all the things we classify as abnormal. And hide them in a fog.

2. Women's rights
a. Rudolph's dad doesn't let Rudolph's mom and Clarice go with him to search for Rudolph because "that's man's work." So Clarice and Rudolph's mom set out on their own after R's dad leaves.
b. "They all knew what they had to do first: get the women home." The snowman narrator says this after the team defeats the Bumble. After the big, strong, capable men solve the problem, it's time to get those womenfolk back to the homestead. I feel so much safer already.

3. Torture
a. Forcing Rudolph to wear a black nose cover, effectively affecting his speech and - most likely - ability to breathe. DFACs, please.
b. Taking out the Bumble's teeth = torture of the enemy. I'm not sure if the UN has made an official statement of Bumble rights, but I imagine pulling out one's teeth after knocking it unconscious with an ice block would be against it.


I was so happy with my teeth.

Like I said, it's a basic outline. And a classic movie. To be fair, it was made back in the day when "PC" probably only stood for Pledge Class in some private fraternity. So I still highly recommend watching it and showing it to your kids.  Your kid won't get the deeper stuff, but you will. And you can always teach your kids the positive lessons it demonstrates:

1. Teamwork and Differentiation - "let's be independent together!" says Hermey to Rudolph. They are differentiated in their independence and personal goals, but work together toward a common goal of societal acceptance
2. Helping Strangers - Yukon Cornelius pulls Rudolph and Hermey from a snowbank and takes them on his sled, helping them escape the Abominable Snowman. King Moonracer on the Island of Misfit Toys allows Rudolph and the gang to spend the night there on their journey back to Christmastown.
3. Following through on a promise - Rudolph, et al return to the Island of Misfit Toys on Christmas Eve, fulfilling Rudolph's promise to bring Santa to them
4. Human Complexity - Yukon both helps Hermey and Rudolph and whips his sled dogs; Santa is both the jolly gift-giving character of lore who "rescues" the toys off the misfit island and a grumpy old codger who initially excludes but ultimately uses Rudolph when it benefits himself and his purposes

All that in 47 minutes. Boom. And that sucker doesn't even realize I kept his coin.

The End

Adventures #9: The Hokey Pokey

Seriously.

I hate the Hokey Pokey. First of all, the name. Seriously? Hokey. Pokey. It sounds lame. Second of all, I can handle putting my legs and arms in and shaking them all about, but my head? Do you know how uncomfortable it is to shake your head all about and then spin around doing some loony shakey dance? It gets worse as you get older. Your head hurts, your arms and legs are tired from all that shaking...and then there's no real way to end the whole thing. With a clap? A shout? At least in Father (and Mother) Abraham (and Sarah) you sit down to mark the end of the song.

All of this is a metaphor for online dating, or maybe just dating in general. I was going to try and weave it into a story but I really don't have the energy for that right now. I hate dating. It's like The Bachelor/Bachelorette except you don't know the competition. I'm not good at dating games (hard to get? Please. I too much say what I think and mean to play that sort of game) and I don't like when others play them. Just say what you think and mean and there's no confusion for anyone. I'm also not good at hard to get because I either want to be gotten or I don't - and I'll clearly let you know either way. And the whole "who's supposed to call who and when" crap? I believe that if I want to talk to someone, waiting for them to call me is dumb. Are they supposed to just magically know?

And then! And then! In this circus horror of ambiguous dating, when am I allowed to plan a date? Is it too forward? Does he want to and I'm taking over and making him feel emasculated? Or is it - as I think of it - nice because then it's not all on him to always make the plans and make the plans happen. And he can always plan the next date, right? Or - heavens - speak up and say he wants to plan this one and can we do my plan next time? Holy shit. Online dating is the freakin' Hokey Pokey - put yourself out there, take yourself back, put yourself out there and get shaken by all the dating pretense. Seriously. I don't find it enjoyable, not when my emotional acre is involved. I find it enjoyable when real people do real things and spend real time together. Though this adventure has been enlightening and entertaining and I'm proud of myself for doing it, a serial dater I will never be.

I also just realized that the Hokey Pokey could be a really crass double entendre. I feel slightly weird about having Elmo up there now.

Thanks the Giving

Thanksgiving 2012 in pictures (and captions):

Fall in the streets

Emmy rockin' her cone 

The Game Plan!
Albeit, sideways 

Making the pumpkin chiffon pie 

Lazin' with my boy 

I love fires in fireplaces!

Day of preparations 

The poor little ugly bird who died
for our freedom...oh wait. I'm getting
my stories mixed up 

Making the dough for the rolls!!!!! 

Dough!! 

Paula's Stuffing. THE best. 

Taffy apple salad, a Zimmer tradition 

The stuffing, ready for the oven! 

The dough has risen! Just like Jesus
(except much more quickly)! 

Layering for the apple crisp 

Cutting the dough to make the rolls 

Snugging with my boy 

The apple crisp! 

Mmmm. Homemade yeast rolls, 

The table 

Adventures #8: Review. Because my attention span is waning

As I've done as much dating in these last few months as I've done in my lifetime prior to online dating, I needed to get a few things (and people) straight in my head. For posterity and because I'm forgetting people and the events they are connected to, here's the list:

1. Lawyer Red - early frontrunner but no date
2. Indiana Tim - my 1st first date, great voice, boring, did not look like his pictures
3. Big Country - three dates, Ayn Rand Libertarian, did-I-mention-I'm-intelligent. I learned that I do not like Ayn Rand Libertarians.
4. Stage Five Clinger - one date. that's about it. I learned what it's like to be on the other side of clingy.
5. Brad - three dates, weird ending, first date kisser, Jewish. I learned a few things - some can't be listed here - but basically just a good opportunity to practice assertiveness.
6. Kolin-with-a-K - one date, smart and funny, no chemistry, Greek. I learned that humor + intelligence is a big thing for me.
7. Marc - French. Fun. Cute. I learned that I like bordeaux wine, The Goat Farm, remembered I like interpretive dance, and was inspired to do more cultural things in Atlanta and spend more time in Piedmont Park and Midtown. That one hurt a little. But he is forgot and things are as they were.
8. Andrew - new kid on the block (not that he's in a boy band, he's just the current person with whom I am communicating)

Eight men in 4 months. Sounds like a Sex and the City episode. It's actually been way less glamorous, but I guess I've gotten my money out of this adventure. And I have totally gotten over first dates. They used to be intimidating; now they're just a necessary evil. I used to think, I really need to impress and be awesome!!!!!!!!! Now I think: I look cute - impress me. Just kidding (kind of). Now I really just go in thinking, I'm going to be myself and you can take it or leave it. It's actually probably a combo of those 4 elements (plus other schtuff): I look cute, I'm being myself, impress me, take it or leave it.

And I've learned a lot about myself and about life. I've experienced new things, tried new restaurants, realized that humor and intellect are incredibly attractive to me, and eaten at Verde for 3 first dates (seriously). And I've learned resilience - or maybe that I have resilience somewhere in there. It is such a weird feeling to date so much, to go on dates with more than one person, to be going into date #3 with someone and go on first dates with someones else - knowing that whether they like you or not, they're doing the same thing. And then to like someone, knowing they're dating other people. To like, to not like, and to have to heal and move on more quickly than you would in any other situation. It's like the hokey pokey, but with your heart being put in and out. Or deciding if you want to play the hokey pokey and even get your heart involved.

I also think this process has internalized the knowledge that - no matter what, regardless of where I am in this dating process - I still have all of the wonderful and not-so-wonderful parts of life. I still have my loverly friends, my weirdly functional family, my perfect Lilian, my job, my running, my apartment, myself...essentially, my life.

Adventures #7: oh lawd if one more person...

This is a very serious post. Very serious. I don't think I can iterate enough how serious this post is.

If one more guy writes that he is passionate about...

a. sports (really? are you?)
b. the outdoors (would you seriously say you hated them?)
c. trying new things (oooo. good for you)
d. working out (just post a pic of your biceps. that's what you want to do anyways)
e. travel (is this so we know you're not boring?)

...then I'm going to set myself on fire. Most likely figuratively, but there is a slight chance it will be a literal blaze.

I know women's profiles are probably equally as banal, but please. Please. Please. Jesus, please. (Seriously. Jesus needs to step in). Why would I want to get to know you if you're the same as the next guy and the next and the next and the next and the next? Why would you want to get to know me??

Realizing that coming up with a passion - and naming it - is easier said than done, I implore the dear people of online dating to TRY and come up with something more meaningful than the aforementioned items. Be silly! Be serious! Be ridiculous! Be sentimental! Just don't be like everyone else. I'm seriously considering sending all of them a form letter than says, essentially, no one is going to like you if you can't come up with something besides UGA football to be passionate about. Or simply: you are dumb.

To get you started, here is a sample of some of the funnier (read: more interesting) things I've read:

a. oxford commas (who doesn't love an oxford comma?!)
b. rebuilding classic cars (can't make that shit up)
c. "extremely expensive craft beer" (while probably a backhanded way to indicate your wealth, I appreciate the alliteration)

Yes, there are far fewer interesting things than dumb shit, but that is pretty much how I feel about this online dating thing at this point. Lots of dumb shits, far fewer interesting things.

The one that actually hurt my feelings

It cannot last long. He will be forgot and we shall be as we were before...A little time, therefore.-

- Jane Bennett