I hate sideline reporting

This isn't a sideline reporter
and I actually get creeped
out by humans in
giant animal costumes.

I hate sideline reporting. And I might actually mean hate. "Coach, you're down 10 points going into halftime. What are you going to tell your players in the locker room?" "Well, Katie, we're probably just going to give ourselves two minutes, color some of our My Little Pony coloring sheets, and maybe do some deep meditation if we still have time." Really? Really? What do you think he's going to do?? No one cares. No one. No one. Stop. You just sound stupid. Please just stop. Or at least ask something like, "Coach, it looks like it's going to rain later. Are you afraid you're going to get struck by lightning?" And maybe dress up like a giant chicken. That at least would add a level of intrigue.

I love Ramen. I wasn't one of those college students who lived off Ramen so it's only recently that I've realized an undiscovered love for the salty little cheap package of pasta that cooks in 3 minutes. I try to keep one in the cupboard just in case I can't think of anything else to eat. I know it has a day's worth of sodium, but let's be honest - who cares?

Julia Ginger

I have a beautiful office plant named Julia Ginger. She - along with a Diet Coke Tervis tumbler - was a gift from my parents. A sort of "yay you have a real grown up job one year after your graduated from a master's program that didn't give you any marketable skills, only a bunch of theology that now makes us think you might not love Jesus" gift...just kidding. But I do love Julia Ginger. And am shocked that she is still alive after four months. I have never been able to keep a plant alive - not one that bloomed anyway. Julia doesn't bloom, but the fact that she has new little baby leaves and hasn't turned brown and crispy make my heart leap. She's not just surviving - she is thriving.

Part of me wants to be the tall
yellow one, but part of me wants to
be the one smacking the
yellow one in the face. 

After these past couple weeks at work, I've realized how deep my loathing of politics and politicians runs. I think they're all selfish little power mongers who don't actually know or care to know what is really going on with their constituents. Want to take the grant money that funds my program because you think you can do something better with it by throwing it at a state or national program? Come sit in my office for a day and tell me how you're going to do that. I'll give you stats, old white man in your ivory tower office, if you want stats. I'll gather up a group of audiologists and patients and we'll sit on your office chairs and show you how that money is being used. Do you even know what goes in to getting a hearing professional to take on a patient knowing they aren't going to be reimbursed much more than the cost of the staples in the patient's file? How successful have you been at that? Come at me, Po. My inner mountain lion is ready for a good rumble... I will actually probably let my boss handle you because I struggle with being diplomatic when someone's being a power hungry ass hat, and we actually do need state reps to like us. So while you're physically safe, I will continue to tear you to shreds with my vicious online rhetoric.