I seriously just googled, "I'm almost 30 and my body is freaking out"

Seriously.

It's kind of a joke between my bff and me that I say I'm almost 30. I mean, technically I am. I'll be 29 in less than 6 months and then it's just another year until I'm 30. So I am close (but not as close as she is because she's already 29). It's not that I'm freaked out about turning 30; I really think it's just a number. I'm actually kind of look forward to 30. I feel like 30 year olds get respect that people in their late 20s don't. I really wish, though, that my body would realize that we're okay with 30 and not freak the hell out. For example, I am beginning to think the same thoughts more often:

• I swear I used to have more energy than this.
• Shit, I look tired.
• Shit, I am tired. When was the last time I slept through the night?
• Why am I breaking out in random places? (I currently have matching spots on my neck on either side of my jaw bone)
• Why does my stomach randomly hurt?
• I feel puny...I don't really know why or what that means, but I just overall feel yucky.
• I can't figure out what I want to eat. I want pizza. Food is blehh. I'm hungry. I want food, but I'm too tired to get it or eat it. I don't want anything I have.
• Where did this conglomeration of freckles on my cheek come from?
• My back hurts. And my knees. And my shoulders. And my forehead. And the inside of my right elbow.
• How can my face be both dry and an oil slick?
• I feel like I could run farther and faster at one point. And lift more weight. And not be so tired after working out.

But really. What is going on? I don't remember being this weak and puny 10 years ago. I don't remember being this feeble even 3 years ago! I remember drinking waaaay too much in college and waking up the next day with a slight headache. Now I can't even finish a margarita or a glass of wine without thinking, gosh I feel bloated and lightheaded. I could run 8 miles and barely need to stretch. I could run 8 miles and not notice the knee pain. Now I run 3 and my knees ache for the rest of the day. If I stayed up late, I was tired the next day. Not completely bushed for the rest of the week.

I realize that your body changes as you get older but I wasn't expecting to feel like a puny worm this soon. I'm active! I'm at a healthy weight! I have a dog! I like my job! I eat vegetables! I stay out of the sun! (well, more than I used to and I always use sunscreen now). I socialize, I read, I drink at least 8 glasses of water each day, I don't watch too much TV, I try to be in bed by 10, I go to the doctor every year, and I don't abuse any alcohol or substance. I mean, I guess I could eat more vegetables and I know that not sleeping through the night makes me feel crappy. But WTF, body? Am I going to be one of those old people with a sharp-as-a-tack mind but have a gimp leg and no teeth?

Oh shit. Now I remember that I need to go to the dentist.

Nora and Food

So essentially two of the biggest time consumers of my day.

Nora first.

She had her first sleepover - her first night away from me. As any new mom, I was more of a wreck than she was and I missed her before she even left. She spent the night with her friend, Molly, and Molly's mom, Jess, while I went out with a boy (that's another post). My apartment was also on the list for smoke detector inspection today and I didn't want to leave my girl home without me while strange men prowled around. That wound up not even mattering because the maintenance people didn't even come. Anyhow, Nora spent the night with Jess and Molly and apparently had a blast because she's passed out on the couch:

This is her, "seriously, mom,
trying to sleep here" face.

Nora has also chewed a few more pairs of shoes, strewn clean laundry around the house, and eaten the first two chapters of a new book. She also finally seems to be completely comfortable and at home. She starts out sleeping right up next to me, but now also rolls away from me and even gets on the floor sometimes. I love her ridiculously. I seriously wonder how I lived without her and I don't like being away from her. I sometimes come home at lunch to walk her - not because she needs it but because I miss her. She's my sweet girl.

Now food.

As has been well established, I do not enjoy cooking (baking is a different story). Cooking just takes way too long and then I don't even want to eat it because I'm so hungry that I become un-hungry and I've worked with the ingredients too long to even want to eat them. Sometimes I don't even want to make a salad because there are too many things to put in it. Yea, I told you - making food is not my favorite.

Anyhow, apparently you have to eat in order to live and cereal doesn't cover all your nutritional bases, so tonight I experimented with soy crumbles. Yes. Soy crumbles. The vegetarian equivalent to ground beef. And I rocked that shit:

Mmm...yummy

A natural multi-tasker, I also wore
a new pair of heels to break them in.
Nora will NOT get these.

Finished! Freakin' yummy.
I want to eat it all.

I added garlic and tomato paste and a can of diced tomatoes. And when it tasted too...tomato-y?... I added lemon juice and made it all better. I made it and ate it the same night. Kind of makes me feel like riverdancin'.

The thing about food is, you have to eat it.

I don't like to cook. But I just spent the weekend with Melly (and Dave and Emmy and Beesley), and Dave made this ridiculously yum-tastic thing and I wanted to eat more of it. So I had to cook. And now you can, too, in 10 easy steps. You're welcome.

(Here's where I give it a fancy recipe name)

Roasted Butternut Squash with White Bean Hummus-y Sauce Stuff

1. Imagine this without spinach

1. Peel and cube the butternut squash. Your hand and arm will be tired, but just curse a few times. It doesn't necessarily help cube the squash, but you'll feel better about the whole situation. Dump it into a bowl. Then add this stuff: olive oil, pepper, salt, paprika, and garlic (powder or minced). Stir it all around. Pour it onto a baking sheet. Roast (that means like 400 degrees for about 30 minutes).

2. Take a deep breath because if that's not tiring enough, you still have to make the hummus. But you really like the hummus so you'll make it. Plus, there's no chopping.

3. This is that in which
I made the hummus

3. Hummus = 1 can white beans, 1-2 gloves garlic (minced), olive oil, white wine vinegar, greek yogurt, lemon juice, sea salt, pepper, and lemon juice. In a blender on puree. I just bought a regular thing of plain Chobani greek yogurt, like the type you'd bring to lunch or eat for breakfast. But the whole thing was really runny so I added a 2nd can of white beans. It was still runny. Don't judge. I already said I'm not a cook.

4. The hummus is made and now it's time to check the squarsh (that's how I say it in my head). Shove it around the pan - or don't, it really doesn't matter that much. If it's done, pull it out of the oven. If it's not, leave it in for a few more minutes. Done = soft-looking and a little brown on the edges.

5. When the squarsh is done, take it out of the oven. Be careful to lower the oven door all the way or you will feel the fire of one thousand dragons on the backs of your arms.

6. Break the stems off the spinach and put the spinach - not the stems - on top of the squash of the butterynuts. Then sprinkle on some walnuts that you've chopped or that someone at the walnut place chopped for you. Obviously I chose the latter.

7. Almost done!

7. Put that shizz back in the oven, this time on broil. Broil it for about 5 minutes or until the spinach is crispy. Broil = the broil setting (button or knob) and/or 500 degrees. Fahrenheit, not Celsius. This is the USA, after all.

8. Take the pan out - carefully this time - and shovel some onto a plate. Try to get as much as you could possibly eat.

10. Finally.

9. If your hummus has a nice medium viscosity like hummus should, good for you. If your hummus is a tad bit runny, welcome to the "new to making hummus" club. Either way, spoon that goodness over the spinach/squarsh/nuts stuff you just made.

10. Voila! Dinner, in 10 easy steps that took me over an hour.

And here's the recipe for you "I already know how to cook just give me the ingredients" people:

Butternut squash (peeled & cubed)
Olive oil
Garlic (powder or minced)
Paprika
Salt
Pepper
options: brown sugar, curry powder

Roast for approx. 30 minutes @ 400 degrees
Top with de-stemmed spinach and chopped walnuts (or pecans or almonds)
Broil for 5 minutes or until spinach is crisp

Hummus
1 can white (cannellini) beans
Greek yogurt
Olive oil
White wine vinegar
1-2 cloves garlic, minced
Lemon juice
Sea salt
Pepper

Put in a blender; blend until smooth.

28 going on, like, I don't know...14?

You know that scene in 13 Going On 30 where Jennifer Garner has just woken up as a 30-year old and she sits in her grown-up office and writes on ad mockups with a poofy pen? (If not, I provided a picture). That's kind of how I feel about my life sometimes. Like I look around to find the adult in charge and realize it's me, holding a giant Lisa Frank pencil and some stickers. This seems to be a common feeling recently and I'm starting to wonder if it ever goes away. For instance,

• I now think about long term effects versus short term gains and try to decide the best route to take.
• I listen to the news and try to think how it will impact my personal and professional life - how Medicaid/Medicare changes will affect my patients, how changes to tax law will affect my income...
• I have to sometimes choose between doing something that I want and buying groceries (though sometimes I forgo the groceries and eat rice for a couple days. I'm not that big of a girl).
• I've stopped thinking in terms of a perfect Prince Charming and have started thinking things like, "wow, that is annoying but I really kind of like you anyways" and "seriously?? well...I can live with that." And I look forward to the point in the relationship when we can just eat pizza on the couch in our pajamas.
• I'm in charge of a department and when someone asks to speak to the boss, they transfer that person to me.
• I want my next place to have a yard for my dog and a guest bath/room.
• I have financial goals like "save more" and "pay off debt."
• I have financial goals.

When the hell did this happen?? I'm sure I've had this mindset on some of these things at some point in the past, but it really has only been these last couple years that I've felt...responsible. Wholly responsible. The last word. The final say. I don't have to ask my parents or a grown-up because I am a grown-up.

And then I remember that we consider an 18-year old an adult...yikes.

Adventures 2.2: This porridge is too hot; this porridge is too cold

I wish that, just once, men would ask for feedback if the first date doesn't go well. Because there are definitely things they could do to increase their chances of getting to date #2. I had two back-to-back dates recently (not like the same day, but two days in a row. I definitely don't have that kind of energy). The first was as boring as a bowl of cold cheese-less grits and the second was as intense as a Jack Russell puppy on meth. I think they were good foils for each other, though, in that they really highlighted some do's and don'ts of first dates:

#1. When you meet your date for the first time, smile. Don't look bored, don't look at the surroundings, don't stare at her - ahem - dress. Just smile, look her in the eyes, and say hello. World's best opening statement.

#2. When you are talking, it's normal to look off at times while you're thinking. When your date is talking, it is not nice to stare past her. Don't. She will notice and you will be going home.

#3. Do not, in any circumstance, tell your date that "2013 is (your) year of sacrifice." That's just weird and wayyyyyy to deep for a first date. Phrasing things like, "I'm discovering what's really important to me" is much less creepy and intense.

#4. Do not, in any circumstance, tell your date that your dog was shot a couple months ago. Just don't.

#5. Telling your date you like music is a good conversation starter. Interrupting her to exclaim that you had a complete life changing event, now are writing music (because it's your muse), and are close - thiiiissss close - to going public is not. Also leave out the part where you are planning to produce your own album. This isn't Nashville.

#6. If you take your date out at 6:45pm to a restaurant, you must be prepared to buy her dinner. That is dinner time. If you don't want to eat because you "had a late lunch," it doesn't matter. Order something - or make it abundantly clear that your date should order something - and plan better next time.

#7. If you are the one who invited her out for a date, have something to do in mind. You don't have to have date, place, and time in mind on the first phone call, but have a tentative plan. This shows you have thought about it. Also, you sound really dumb when you call the girl and say things like, "uh, I don't know, where do you want to go" and "I don't know where that is" if you've lived in Atlanta for 13 years. Get Google. Get Yelp. Ask a friend.

#8. If you have trouble making conversation, think ahead of some questions that could spark something. Small talk has a shelf life. Please be able to talk about something - anything - other than the weather and your dog.

#9. It's sweet to say that your date looks nice. It's awkward to keep talking about it like you just got out of prison and your date is the first female you've seen in 20 years. And if you have just gotten out of prison, please date someone else first.

#10. Pay attention to Hitch. He really gets it right with the key-jangling-stalling-while-waiting-for-a-kiss. But if your date gets her keys out, stands back to open her door, and says good night...just let it go, bro.