Adventures 2.2: This porridge is too hot; this porridge is too cold

I wish that, just once, men would ask for feedback if the first date doesn't go well. Because there are definitely things they could do to increase their chances of getting to date #2. I had two back-to-back dates recently (not like the same day, but two days in a row. I definitely don't have that kind of energy). The first was as boring as a bowl of cold cheese-less grits and the second was as intense as a Jack Russell puppy on meth. I think they were good foils for each other, though, in that they really highlighted some do's and don'ts of first dates:

#1. When you meet your date for the first time, smile. Don't look bored, don't look at the surroundings, don't stare at her - ahem - dress. Just smile, look her in the eyes, and say hello. World's best opening statement.

#2. When you are talking, it's normal to look off at times while you're thinking. When your date is talking, it is not nice to stare past her. Don't. She will notice and you will be going home.

#3. Do not, in any circumstance, tell your date that "2013 is (your) year of sacrifice." That's just weird and wayyyyyy to deep for a first date. Phrasing things like, "I'm discovering what's really important to me" is much less creepy and intense.

#4. Do not, in any circumstance, tell your date that your dog was shot a couple months ago. Just don't.

#5. Telling your date you like music is a good conversation starter. Interrupting her to exclaim that you had a complete life changing event, now are writing music (because it's your muse), and are close - thiiiissss close - to going public is not. Also leave out the part where you are planning to produce your own album. This isn't Nashville.

#6. If you take your date out at 6:45pm to a restaurant, you must be prepared to buy her dinner. That is dinner time. If you don't want to eat because you "had a late lunch," it doesn't matter. Order something - or make it abundantly clear that your date should order something - and plan better next time.

#7. If you are the one who invited her out for a date, have something to do in mind. You don't have to have date, place, and time in mind on the first phone call, but have a tentative plan. This shows you have thought about it. Also, you sound really dumb when you call the girl and say things like, "uh, I don't know, where do you want to go" and "I don't know where that is" if you've lived in Atlanta for 13 years. Get Google. Get Yelp. Ask a friend.

#8. If you have trouble making conversation, think ahead of some questions that could spark something. Small talk has a shelf life. Please be able to talk about something - anything - other than the weather and your dog.

#9. It's sweet to say that your date looks nice. It's awkward to keep talking about it like you just got out of prison and your date is the first female you've seen in 20 years. And if you have just gotten out of prison, please date someone else first.

#10. Pay attention to Hitch. He really gets it right with the key-jangling-stalling-while-waiting-for-a-kiss. But if your date gets her keys out, stands back to open her door, and says good night...just let it go, bro.