"It is my right as an American to go to South Beach and be a douche"

I don't know if I've made it clear how deep my love for Anthony Bourdain goes. He is essentially what I love about humanity. Maybe more correct would be to say that he embodies what I love about humanity. Kind, caring, interesting, interested, adventurous, no holds barred and nothing held back. Crude but not rude. Open and honest and welcoming of all different people - and their weird habits and even more weird foods. I'm also not sure if I've made it well enough known that I have a thing for intelligent-looking, salt-and-pepper haired men in their forties. Everyone has their thing.

I'm watching this show on the Discovery Channel called Naked and Afraid. (Oh yeah, this has nothing to do with Tony). The premise is one guy and one girl are dropped buck naked (butt naked? I've never really known which is correct) into the jungle and left to survive for 21 days. All it has confirmed is the stereotype that while willing to kill deadly creatures, men are essentially mental inappropriate-p-words and that women, whiney though they be, will eventually be the ones who get shit done. Oh yeah, and men hunt while women cook the spoils. I'm not sure what to learn from that except perhaps I should carry a machete in case I come across a venomous snake or need to chop up a turtle to eat. I probably also need learn how to start a fire without matches.

I think I've hit a quarter-life crisis. Technically that would mean I live to be over 100 which is not my goal, but in any case, I saw this online. While none of those things apply to me (so maybe it's not the ideal example), I do feel like my life is kind of stale these days. I know money doesn't buy happiness but it does allow you to go places and do things that are fun and new. It's not that I don't do fun things - I love jiujitsu! - or have fun people in my life, I just... I want a yard because I miss yard work. And I know I need to be internally at peace first because everything else comes from that, but... I kind of am and I still get bored. Is there a solution? Am I looking in the wrong places? Is Jesus somehow the answer? (and I ask that only half-sarcastically).

This is essentially the only point in that Buzzfeed that was helpful:

"Adulthood means finding your [real] identity. In high school and college, your identity is mostly drawn up for you like a paint by number: your grades, your major, your career plans, your extracurricular activities. But post-college, your identity is an empty moleskine, and your job is to ascertain who you are and to fucking fill that book up. You might end up with scribbled-out pages and plots that go woefully unresolved, but as [Andrea, author of the upcoming quote] Robbins says: 'At some point in your life, you are going to have to confront yourself. You might as well do it now.' "

I'm comfortable and well-versed in confronting my internal self but I still have vestiges of fear doing external things that are outside of my normally scheduled program. So. Whether I have someone to do it with or whether anyone else gives a shit, I'm going to do stuff. Because I want to and I'm not going to wait on someone else to catch the f- up (I actually screened that word for Sarah G. because I love and respect her. And perhaps there is some weird child out there who googled "annadeering.blogspot.com" for kicks one day and found my blog and now is corrupted because I frequently curse. More the former, though).