And the people said, Amen.

I'm spending a few minutes of my lunch break (read: time spent at my desk scarfing down some peanut butter and crackers while I work) to do something real: change my blog domain. The new location is going to be a WordPress blog for reasons I can't quite explain. I'm ready for a change. I want different format options. Times New Roman pisses me off, even if it is just the editing font, not the published one...

Click here :)

What the God, Man?!

 #curdeushomo
#churchhistorylesson
#notrelevantjustfun

I just turned 29, or as I like to say, Almost 30. Last years of the raging twenties! I hear that your 30s are your prime, though, so I'm looking forward to my prime time. I had drinks and guacamole with a couple of girl friendses and then dinner with the boy at a really fancy restaurant. I got my hairs cut and a new outfit and probably spent more on myself than I should have, but oh well :)

Lunch with Sarah and Robert in the downtown 

Drinks and guac

Ice cream and brownie 

Birthday morning chai :)

Fall-ish walk with my girl 

Sunday afternoon football:)

Fancy schmancy. And less the top of his head.

#almost30
#29isthenewblack
#thisishowido

(If you actually do the hash tag hand motions, a la Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake, that whole bit is way more fun).

October.

I love autumn. I don't know anyone who doesn't. I suppose there could be someone, but they would be really, really dumb. I love how the air smells. I love how the sun goes down a little earlier and the shadows get longer. I remember growing up in Florida, and even though the temperature was still 95 degrees, the humidity dropped a little and the air was fresher and cleaner. Halloween was coming soon, my birthday, then Thanksgiving, and finally Christmas. I remember when my mom would open up the house (I associate it with October, but that was Florida so it was probably January :) and the air would smell so good and the breeze was cooler.

I had a dream last night that I moved in with roommates (my college roommates, actually) and I hated it and I couldn't remember why I moved out of my apartment. I love living by myself. I love it. I love decorating for the seasons, sitting on the couch in October and smelling the air and watching college football.

Damn right those are real pumpkins.

And then I saw this on my friend's Facebook page. I'm not a big fan of poetry - especially if it doesn't rhyme - but I thought this was beautiful. May there be no cage for your soul.

May there be no cage for your soul. 

May you have a friend
by whom you know this. 

In the space between you, may there be
medicine, hospitality, sanctuary. 

Nom Nom...ok, I'm tired.

So this is what one of my work cabinets hides:

Please notice the two type of gummy vitamins on the left.
I'm all about health, people.

While my fridge and cabinets at home are bare and boring, my work cupboard has all the goodies. Work has been a long uphill battle this year (click here for a visual) and sometimes reinforcements are needed. Hence this:

I didn't think Cheez-its could improve,
but then this happened. 

I don't typically self-medicate with food, but sometimes you just need a fucking fruit snack.

"You are absolutely beautiful However how are you still single for"

Um. I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to respond to that. First, is it actually a question? There is no punctuation, but "how" is typically indicative of a question. Which brings up the second issue: the grammar. As in, there is no grammar or sentence structure. Third, is it a compliment or an insult? Calling someone beautiful is a compliment (I think) but the use of "however" indicates the next statement is going to contradict the previous one. Fourth, never end a sentence with a preposition. So I fixed it (you'll see I added in a little extra):

You are absolutely beautiful; however, I cannot understand for what reason thou art still single?

Pretty sure that's what he meant to write.

If it isn't obvious, I decided to go back online dating and I.want.to.cringe. Sentences like that and "U have a gr8t smile. I want 2 chat w U" (which I don't even think counts as a sentence), make me want to vomit over the sad state of humanity in America. I can't imagine the women are much better. Booking the next flight to Hawai'i and living with my sister and being Lila's spinster aunt who homeschools her and all 8 of her siblings (sorry, Sar) seems like a fantastic option. Actually, that would be a fantastic option (-) the spinster part and (+) Nora.

Anyhow, I'm sure this will be another fun adventure. Like this (memes are seriously the best thing that's happened to 2013):

Who'd have thought we'd have a black son before we knew a Democrat?

Existential angst. If you say it enough, it begins to sounds like "eggsdistential angst" or "engsistential angst." Words are hard! And so is existential angst. It's essentially when the logic part of you and the feeling part of you disagree on something and there is no "good" answer. No answer feels good, no answer will make you happy or solve the problem. There isn't necessarily a right answer, but there is probably a healthier answer, or an answer that better fits with your overall and long(er) term goals and values.

And that SUCKS sometimes. Shouty caps appropriate.

As a total F on the Myers-Briggs, it is completely counter-intuitive for me to go against what I feel. I rely on my feelings. But I feel like such a grown-up when I make a logically sound decision. Like new shoes AND new nail polish grown up.

Ecksistenchul angst.

Also, I did not realize how jaded I've become working in a nonprofit until I interviewed a potential intern this morning. She was so...energetic about the whole thing. Like "let's help everyone and bunnies and sunshine and flowers!!!!!!" excited....

Wide -eyed emoticon.

Also, did not realize how much I really need a vacation until the last couple of weeks.

Hope that clears things up.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

Except I don't have a broom and my bed doesn't have knobs. I painted my doorknobs. Knobs is a funny word when you say it more than once. Actually, I think even saying once sounds a little silly. Knobs. Knobs. Knobs. It should be kuhnobs, you kuhnow, since the K is never ever silent in front of a word.

Anyhow, I spray painted my doorkuhnobs with Rust-O-Leum Oil Rubbed Bronze and I'm in love with the color. I want to spray paint everything now, except I don't have much else to paint. I'll find something, I'm sure. Also, why is spray paint two words? I get that it is essentially a verb and a noun - you are spraying paint - but I still want it to be one word. Or hyphenated.

So I sprayed the paint on the nasty gold doorkuhnobs and locks. Here it is in all its glory:

Gold and gross

I used tin foil because
1) I didn't have anything else, &
2) I saw it on Pinterest.

Fantastico!

Ta da! I mean, I figure if I'm going to have to live here for a while - at least 5 more months and probably more unless I suddenly get a fat raise - I might as well make it pretty. And since I've been in a DIY house reno mood with limited house to D, I want to change everylittlething that I can. Plus, I'm still getting over my "I never had a registry to get the grownup stuff I want" issues so I'm buying the things I want sans registering. Maybe when I finally have a reason to make a list of things I want other people to buy for me, I'll just ask for cash so I can buy new clothes. Or rugs. Or a vacation. Or something else awesome I'll have seen on Pinterest by then.

Gnats are just little persistent assholes.

I've had this sinus-y, green-ish yellow snotty, can'tbreathethroughmynose, cold this Labor Day weekend. So after three days of lying on the couch, Nora and I went for a walk and the gnats attacked. Jerks.

Speaking of assholes.

It's been just over a year since I started my online dating experiment. I don't remember all the steps of the scientific method, but I do remember you're supposed to have a hypothesis. My hypothesis was unclear to start, but my findings are clear: I've learned a lot, seen a lot, and have come to the conclusion that most men are kind of asshats.

To be fair, I bet most women are, too. But I'm not dating those, so we'll stick with our population sample. Which, to be even more fair, it's probably a skewed sample of men (online dating does attract a certain swath of humans). I also haven't dated all of the men online ever, so I can't make 100% definitive statements. I haven't dated across races. I have dated across ages (from 26-40), so I can be pretty certain about some things. And I don't think most guys intend to be giant ass clowns. It's probably a combination of things.

So. If you are going to online date random strangers, here are 5 common practices you should probably know about going into it:

1. It is absolutely okay to not call someone if you don't want to. Avoiding the situation is way easier and much less stressful for you. Just pretend it doesn't exist.

2. If you decide to be exclusive with someone, it is still probably okay to date other people. Lines are fuzzy in the real world, folks!

3. If you want to be boring and dull, or overly intense and crazy, go for it. Don't hold back. Don't put your best foot forward. Don't let little things like personal hygiene and discretion get in the way of a good time.

4. Communication doesn't get you anywhere. Don't waste your time with it. Totally stupid.

5. Always be sure to tell the other person how great you are. It's way more believable than if you just are great.

There you go. You're welcome.

Sometimes Nuts, Sometimes Not.

When I think about my job, I feel this:

When I actually get to my job, I feel this (no really, click on the link. It's worth it):

Toby Zeigler, West Wing

It's Tuesday, folks. Let's just try to survive.

Success.

So while there is failure (the beagle, my dryer broke, my allergies are sending a constant stream of phlegm into my stomach making me nauseous), there is also not-fail. Success. Like these:

New couch, new ottoman/footstools,
clean jiujitsu gi, completing wall decor,
a happy puppy :)

My niece, who sticks a laser pointer
up her nose and turns it on. And my sister,
why just reached her goal weight!!!

Might not be the next A-Rod, but
do we really want her to be?

Snuggly pup

Completely finished cabinetry!!

Rolling in the grass on a sunny Sunday afternoon

Roaming campus

Fail.

I've posted this before:

But I'm really trying to believe it this time. About a month ago on Nora's morning walk, I found this beagle wandering aimlessly around the apartment complex. It was covered in fleas, underweight, and in bad shape. I took the little guy home (little, but obviously very old) and called Animal Control (DeKalb County Animal Services, DCAS). I felt really bad for the old coot, so I had them call me if they didn't find an owner. They didn't. He's here. And it's awful.

This is the calmest behavior
he exhibited.

It isn't his fault. He is deaf and has cataracts, so I'm sure he can only make out shapes and maybe some light differential. He was neglected for so long I'm certain he has some serious mental issues. He just spent a few weeks in a DeKalb animal services cinderblock cell, which I'm certain did not help his anxiety. He's old.

But it's awful.

He's deaf, so his bark is this strangled shriek and he is so anxious that he barks constantly. It took a Benadryl and half of a Flexeril (a human muscle relaxer. I take half of one and I'm knocked out for hours) to calm him down last night. He had two Benadryl with breakfast this morning and he's still pacing the living room. He's incontinent, which makes it impossible to leave him unattended, but he shrieks and howls and whimpers and whines every time I gate him or crate him so it's impossible to contain him even while I do simple things around the house. Like shower. Or sleep. I'm sure my neighbors love me.

This is how I remember him.

I called the Human Society since they are no-kill and they are full. I am about to put on shoes and take him back to DCAS. That is going to go well.

Update 2:59pm: I took him back to DCAS and it went as well as I expected, though I was not expecting the icy stares and questions about my ability to care for a little creature. Apparently I should be wondering at how Nora's survived this long. Here's to you, little beagle buddy; may the force be with you.

...and also with you.

No wait, that's not right...

Kitchen Reno, Part 3: It is finished. Finally.

After two solid days of sanding and staining, I have never been more grateful for my small one bedroom-er. I think if I don't see stain for 10 years, it'll be 10 years too soon (or however that saying goes...I've never been good with sayings). But it's done!! And they look pretty good if you don't look too closely. I will never be a professional, but they are done and they are done and they are done. Whew.

Darrrrrk Walnut.

And I'm healthy. Boom.

All the cabinet doors say, heyo (heyo).

Staining this part is way easier than staining the doors.

Now all that's left is to put the doors back on, probably hairspray a few more parts, and then giddyup cowperson, onto the next project: covering my box spring.

Kitchen Reno, Part 2: Stain is a Pain.

In.the.ass.

In the future, go with paint. Or have someone help you stain. Or just have someone else do it. At least the cabinet doors. Those super suck.

Stage 2 in pictures and captions:

Prep work like a boss!

Yea, that's painters tape and that's plastic sheeting.
Prep. Work.

Staining and staining and staining :)

Half the cabinets done!

Part 2 is a lot like Part 1, except it's going faster since I've gotten the hang of staining things. Paint on, wipe off, wipe off some more, then keep wiping it off. And then lay it out to dry. It will still be kind of sticky, but since I've discovered hairspray I'm feeling confident. This stage is also way easier because my sweet pup is at someone else's. I'm dogsitting Bella so Nora gets to hang out with her while my apartment improving project is taking over.

I sanded the cabinets (the attached-to-the-wall-part) with the power sander, but ran out of steam so I left that for later. And did other things like hanging out with this little mister:

I'm 1 and I'm amazing! 

Yay cereal!

Nora was super happy to help with clean-up.  

She seriously sits like this.

Kitchen Reno, Part 1: The First Stain is the Deepest. And Won't Dry.

The most important news goes above the fold:

Stain is not paint. You have to wipe it off 15 minutes after you apply it. Like all of it. More than you think. It's going to suck. Just go with it.

That could actually sum up everything I want to say about the start of this project, but I am determined to document every sticky, dark walnut-colored moment. So here's what it looked like when I started:

Mmm...yucky.

A close-up of the yuck.

I thought I'd do all the work outside, it would dry, and I would stack it all inside while starting on the next set. Yea. Right. What really happened was I stained the first set of cabinets, left them outside over night, and awoke to sticky cabinets. Because I didn't quite read the instructions and so I didn't wipe off the excess stain. No one mentioned wiping the stain off!! And since I did such extensive research on Pinterest, obviously I knew everything. How many times do I have to ask for things to be explained to me like I'm 5?

So for all the 5-year olds out there...

Sand everything x1000. Forget the sanding bar thing
and use the power sander. Use the little sanding block
for smaller areas and corners.

Open the stain. Notice my awesome can opener and
paint stick. I stirred it the first couple of times and
then gave up. I didn't see anything say I had to, so...

Coat #1. I was so gung-ho at this stage I did two coats.
I quickly switched to one coat after fixing my walnut-colored
sticky boo-boo.

The first cabinet doors done, ready to sit out
all night and get sticky.

I brought the cabinet doors inside that morning before work and they were still sticky after 9 hours, so I googled "I stained my cabinets and they're sticky." At that point, all websites were happy to tell me about the wiping-off-the-excess thing; however, since it had sort of dried and had sat for so long, I had to go back to Lowes, get mineral spirits (sounds like something to mix with cranberry, but it is definitely not), wipe down all of those cabinets I had painted, re-sand them, and then stain them again.

That's a bunch of bullshit, so I did that for 2 of them and found a better method: hairspray. I used my Garnier medium-hold anti-frizz humidity-defying hairspray and sealed up the other six. Minwax should totally include that as an option in the future. You're welcome, Minwax. You're welcome.

Sharing is Caring

When I got Nora, I was expecting to share everything with her: my apartment, my bed, my time...but I had to stop myself when it came to food. I wanted to give her pieces of whatever I was eating except, well, it would probably kill her. I've been giving her bits of stuff, but I was just eating this (see right) and didn't want to finish it. Nora was looking hungry, so I googled some shit and found these foods are good to give:

Peanut butter. 
Yogurt. This provides a great source of protein for dogs (especially Greek yogurt).
Lean proteins (like chicken, turkey and beef).
Salmon. 
Pumpkin and sweet potatoes. a great source of beta carotene and vitamin A and help keep your pup's digestive system on track.
Rice and pasta. Plain or whole wheat pastas are a good source of energy for your dog
Apples. 
Peas and green beans. 

Unfortunately, I hate green beans so Nora will not be getting any of those. Definite no-no foods are these: 

Chocolate and cocoa.
Grapes. 
Avocados. (apparently causes diarrhea and vomiting).
Onions and garlic.
Alcohol. (because not giving your dog alcohol isn't obvious)
Milk and dairy products. Just one slice of cheese won't kill your pet, but excessive dairy will likely negatively disrupt their digestive system. (oops...Nora gets cheese...)
Coffee. Just a sip of coffee or caffeine can lead to restlessness, heart palpitations and bleeding, while a large dosage can be fatal. (because giving coffee to your dog seems like a good idea?)
Gum. (all warning labels came from some dumbass who did something dumb...ass)

So. Luckily most of what I eat can be shared. Just apparently not any of my beverages. Or my Trident whitening gum.

Kitchen Reno, Pre-Start: Ugly is over. Go to Lowe's.

Since my financial goals do not include a new and updated apartment, and since my HGTV addiction makes me want to DIY the hell out of everything on less than $15, I decided to do a little something extra to my not-so-fancy-schmancy mid-1990's apartment. I made a list of things I wanted to improve and started with the most obvious: the cabinetry. Who doesn't love dirty, greasy, nasty, scuffed up cabinetry in a light, faux-oak stain? Oh right. This girl.

So I Pinterest-ed "how to stain my kitchen cabinets" and read 2 tutorials and looked at the pictures. I figured this made me an expert, so I took the best from both (i.e., pieced together ways to make it as easy as possible) and went to Lowe's. Since I am writing this in hindsight, I will explain it like I'm 5. Because that's how I wish the tutorial people had explained it to me.

First, when you go to Lowe's, here is what you'll need to get:

• Gloves. I bought nitrile resistant, or nitrile proof, or maybe just nitrile gloves. They are green and size medium (because there were no smalls). I bought 2 pairs for $4 each.
• Lots of plastic sheeting. I bought 3 rolls of 12 foot stuff for about $2 each. There's never enough covering of delicate things like stoves and floors, and your desk (which is where you will be putting the cabinet doors to dry since it's raining outside).
• Stain. I bought 2 quarts of Dark Walnut: Penetrate, Stain, and Seal (that sounds really dirty) by Minwax for about $8 each. I could have looked on the can to see how much area it says it covered, and probably discovered that one can was enough. But I didn't.
• A paint stir stick. I still haven't figured out if you have to stir the stain, but I got one anyway. It was free. I hope. Otherwise I just shoplifted for the first time in my life and I didn't even mean to and I didn't even get anything cool.
• A paint/stain can opener. Probably the best idea I've had so far. It was less than $1. I should have just gotten a lot of those.
• Foam brushes. I bought the biggest ones they had figuring it would be best to cover the most surface area, right? Wrong. I'm glad I also bought smaller sizes because the biggest size doesn't fit in the can opening. They were about $1 each and I got 6 (you never know).
• A sanding block. I borrowed a friend's power sander and will probably use it for the rest of the project. I saw the sanding block in one of the tutorials and thought, hey, that looks easier. But I'm not sure if it's working really well, so... $4.
• Painter's tape. To tape down the plastic sheeting that will be covering your entire existence for the next week or so. I had some at home so this was free. Boom. Saving money right and left.

When you get home, grab as many old t-shirts as you can find. I seriously don't know why I need them, but I've found at least three reasons to have them. Then clear a place on your porch, but not too big of a space because you'll be moving everything inside once you realize how humid and rainy it's going to be for the next few days. It's also a lot cooler inside and everything is less sticky. Except your cabinets. Because you did that part wrong...which leads to Day 1: The First Stain is the Deepest. And Won't Dry.

Also, I added a final picture frame and put an old map of the home town (34952). Now I'm just waiting to find the perfect oval/round mirror, and voila!

The wall-o-family

Speaking of family, this perfection happened:

Lila looks just like her mommy